The Socratic Files: A Sidebar

So I'm sitting in Arnon local...a warning can to my side. And apparently Socratic is attracting other idiots who want to mess with him...

Again, this is in local, so its edited down pretty heavily.

KingBaco1 > Socratic aint that the guy everyone hates? Why is that?
Negotiatble McLeod > They're jealous.
Zedrik Cayne > http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1514296
Socratic > because greifers don't like nice guys
Zedrik Cayne > Have a read.
Socratic > so they tell lies about us
Zedrik Cayne > I'll tell you Soc...Everything I post up on my blogs have been said in a chat.
Zedrik Cayne > Oh wait..he's got me blocked.
KingBaco1 > PVP 1V1 - Retribution V's?
OT Smithers > you r lucky zedrick
Zedrik Cayne > I've been doing this kind of stuff for years...And every single target has always yelled 'lies'
Zedrik Cayne > And yet, folks visit local just to mess with you...and find out that every single inch of text written about you is the truth.
Socratic > remember noobs, I am your friend
Zedrik Cayne > Yet he calls you demeaning names.
Zedrik Cayne > He'll call you stupid, and give you a 'hard lesson' if he is able.
OT Smithers > They yell that at all the policemen Zedrick. You are like the cop of eve, keeping griefers like Socratic at bay
Zedrik Cayne > Well...not quite OT.
OT Smithers > o
Zedrik Cayne > I keep *stupid* people at bay.
Boston Bradley > look, socratic is crying like a little bitch again, he soc how long until your cancer consumes you?

Woah...now that came out of left field. I like messing with folks just fine...but that's an awfully low blow.

Morin Blain > i'd like to see some prove of soc's "griefing"
Morin Blain > hey boston, that goes too far
Boston Bradley > If you knew Socratic you wouldn't say that.
Mehashi 'Kho > hate the toon, not the person :p
Morin Blain > know, but i'm well aquainted with the disease
OT Smithers > quit sticking up for the griefler Morin!!! He griefed me and stole my ore not just once but over and over and he LAUGHED and made fun of me while he did it
OT Smithers > I almost quit eve
Morin Blain > you can say whatever you want without the cancer references
Boston Bradley > Morin, when something kills Socratic, it is no longer an ailment, it is a bless to the rest of the world.
Boston Bradley > So cancer is a good thing in this case, cause it is removing another stupid mouth breather from our planet.
Zedrik Cayne > Wow
Morin Blain > thats bull. Arnon would be dull without socratic
Zedrik Cayne > Even I think you just crossed the line.
Morin Blain > and wishing someone dead goes too far IMHO
Boston Bradley > Then go cry in a corner.
Morin Blain > i am
Zedrik Cayne > I've got a better idea.

Hm...one guy in a non-npc corp...this looks like a perfect opportunity to prove to someone that what you say in local can have consequences... Concord is just a phone call away. They like getting called for investigations.

And I add him to my address book. Later that evening, Socratic's taken from my can while I was Idle..but he's out now. So I go and push him back in the station and his shields start to drop faster than they normally do. He engages the dock tank (ching..bonus) and I get a Private Convo from my news 'friend'

Boston Bradley > were you attacking him there too?
Zedrik Cayne > Yes...He's hardened against kin/therm.
Zedrik Cayne > Super hard this time :)
Boston Bradley > im gonna grab some other charges for when he pops back out.
Boston Bradley > I was attacking him too.
Boston Bradley > this dudes just a cock sucking mongrel.
Zedrik Cayne > Yes, although you went way over the line in local earlier.
Boston Bradley > I don't really care, when it comes to him, anything is fair play imho.
Zedrik Cayne > I'm afraid I can't agree with you.
Boston Bradley > I'd betting 50/50 you don't remember why you don't agree with me. Specifically.
Zedrik Cayne > You told him he could die, for any reason...and the game would be a better place.
Zedrik Cayne > Immediately before you had asked how his cancer was.
Boston Bradley > He doesn't actually have cancer.
Zedrik Cayne > I don't care.
Boston Bradley > Then die in a fucking fire.
Boston Bradley > If you're going to get all butthurt over something that's none of your business, then you need to take a step back and realize what is and isn't your business,
Zedrik Cayne > You see, it is attitudes like that that get folks hurt in this game.
Boston Bradley > You hear that? Thats the sound of a dude who couldn't get a fuck.
Zedrik Cayne > It is your life in game...you choose to live it how you like.
Boston Bradley > You seen that online forum about Socratic? Get ready to be added to it as a DIe Hard Soc fan.
Zedrik Cayne > Oh, please do.
Zedrik Cayne > This should be amusing.
Zedrik Cayne > Please link it in local when you are done.

No forum post from my new buddy. But when I'm done patching, there should be something actionable in my corp tab... It's the Socratic Files Sidebar!

Guest Appearances on...The Socratic Files

So, after running through the logs and finding another hilarious incident of Socratic not knowing the game. I found someone else actually posted it. (Funny that, it was the principle actor.)

So enjoy:

http://podlogs.com/ninjahijinx/2011/05/15/sometimes/

Thanks Arden....look for more guest appearances as we all go for a comedy Gila Killmail (tm)

The Socratic Files: The Great ISK Caper

I've decided that I probably can't squeeze any more Isk out of Socratic. So it is time to come clean so to speak.

I get paid sometimes for my work and blogging here...and it is high time that the basic contract be laid out.

http://www.justaddhippopotamus.com/contract.php

The main diference between a high level and low level contract is how attentive I am. High level contracts mean I don't get to wander off and help my friends or do other things which may interfere with the contract at hand.

Zedrik Cayne > Yes?
Socratic > I still don't understand what your problem is with me
Zedrik Cayne > I think I've explained that at least once.
Zedrik Cayne > I am getting *paid*.
Socratic > it wasn't memorable
Zedrik Cayne > I get paid a bonus for every time you dock.
Socratic > how much
Socratic > and by whom
Zedrik Cayne > Every ship I destroy.
Zedrik Cayne > And I'm sure there will be an extra bonus for stealing your occator.
Socratic > enjoy
Socratic > again
Socratic > how much
Socratic > and by whom
Zedrik Cayne > I won't tell you by whom, because its a 3 day old alt anyhow.
Zedrik Cayne > 850 mil for eight weeks.
Socratic > you have been fucking with me for weeks
Socratic > who laid the first contratct?
Socratic > and how much will it cost to find out
Socratic > I don't buy the 3 day noob story
Zedrik Cayne > Buy it or not.
Zedrik Cayne > I don't care much. I doubt you can actually scrape together enough cash to make it worth my while.
Socratic > main term is buy
Socratic > I can match and beat any amount
Zedrik Cayne > I don't want the dirty isk you steal from the RMT'ers.
Socratic > why not what they do is illegal
Zedrik Cayne > Yes, but that makes any isk you steal from them dirty, capice?
Zedrik Cayne > As in, if CCP actually traces it through, they might yank it all.
Socratic > no when I take it from them it gets clean
Socratic > they won't sell it to some other fool
Socratic > ccp has no idea
Zedrik Cayne > You've shown some incredibly bad knowledge of game mechanics.
Socratic > and that's a crime
Zedrik Cayne > Somehow, I don't trust you at all.
Socratic > I played for years as a hauler and miner
Socratic > I am not evil
Socratic > my helping of noobs is legitiamte
Socratic > legitimate
Socratic > what is your price
Socratic > honestly
Zedrik Cayne > Okay, I'll tell you what. My contract allows me to wander off at need. They didn't want to pay for my 'exclusive' rates.
Zedrik Cayne > You're just unlucky enough that I don't have anything else interesting going on.
Socratic > would killing them be "interesting" to you?
Zedrik Cayne > If you can explicitly name a target, then yes.
Socratic > that would be up to you
Socratic > either you want to earn or you don't
Socratic > I can find another way around you if you like
Socratic > I haven't been here 7 years for nothing
Zedrik Cayne > Exclusive rates are 500 mil a week. There are five weeks left on the contract.
Socratic > only I have that much isk
Socratic > and I am not that important
Socratic > so you're lying
Zedrik Cayne > Wait.
Zedrik Cayne > Only you have 2.5 billion isk?
Socratic > but make me an offer and I will tink about it
Zedrik Cayne > You are seriously deluded.
Socratic > you said 5 weeks left
Zedrik Cayne > 5 weeks, 500 mil per week.
Zedrik Cayne > 2.5 billion.
Socratic > and you have been screwing with me for at least that long already
Socratic > I don't doubt that someone has 5 billion isk
Zedrik Cayne > I've been on the clock for the past three.
Socratic > but to pay that just for me is ridiculous
Zedrik Cayne > Before that it was for my own pleasure.
Socratic > I am a small fish in a backwater noob staging area
Socratic > nobody is worth 4 or 5 billion isk to fuck with
Zedrik Cayne > *snerk*
Zedrik Cayne > You really have not decided to look at my blog at all.
Socratic > so give me a real number and I will consider it
Socratic > but don't lie to me
Zedrik Cayne > I've messed with one guy for over a year and a half and spent over 3 billion in wardec fees.
Socratic > I don't care about your blog
Zedrik Cayne > Its all documented.
Zedrik Cayne > You want me off your neck, you've got a price.
Socratic > I am not locked into the gaming scene
Socratic > say a number
Zedrik Cayne > 2.5 billion. That will buy  out the remainder of the contract.
Zedrik Cayne > I'll go and bother someone else.
Socratic > and then the only true guarantee will be all the names and their deaths
Socratic > frozen corpses and all
Socratic > and I want your domi
Socratic > there's a deposit
Socratic > think about it
Zedrik Cayne > I can offer y ou the domi, exactly as it sits now. You don't get names and corpses. If you're balking at 2.5 bil, you don't want to know what number I'm going to put up for actually screwing me out of my livelyhood.
Socratic > ok think about it
Socratic > but I want their hides
Socratic > give me a realistic numbe
Socratic > number
Socratic > nobody hates me that much
Socratic > but I have way more isk than them
Zedrik Cayne > It's not about hating you that much.
Socratic > then it's stupid
Zedrik Cayne > You do know I broadcast Arnon local right?
Socratic > and you seem logical
Zedrik Cayne > They are in it for the comedy.
Zedrik Cayne > The blog-roll that will come out of this is epic.
Socratic > comedy isn't worth 3 billion
Zedrik Cayne > They are paying for *content*
Socratic > keep an accounting
Socratic > I have given you 500 mil on no hold at all
Zedrik Cayne > Right, thanks.
Socratic > when I get done i want their hides
Socratic > all of them
Socratic > names and evidence
Zedrik Cayne > Until it tips 2.5 billion. You're not getting a boot off your neck.
Socratic > including corpses
Socratic > I don't care
Socratic > the 500 mil is to make you think
Socratic > show some class
Socratic > I have nothing against you
Socratic > good luck
Socratic > o/
Zedrik Cayne > I'm showing integrity....you're trying to buy me out of it.
Zedrik Cayne > o7
Socratic > integrity wouldn't include lying about me
Socratic > you know none of that shit you're saying is true
Socratic > show me some true integrity
Zedrik Cayne > I can't prove the allegations one way or the other. I know what I've been told and what I've witnessed.
Socratic > and then we have a deal
Zedrik Cayne > You can't prove a negative.
Zedrik Cayne > Therefore you can't prove that you don't steal.
Socratic > I have never lied to you
Socratic > I'm sure they have
Socratic > think about that
Zedrik Cayne > I don't care.
Socratic > good luck
Socratic > o/

Now, what Socratic doesn't know..(and still doesn't know unless he reads this) is part of the original contract to start bothering him is to soak him for as much isk as possible by whatever means necessary. So I figured that 500 mil was pretty good... When I notice a contract.

He wanted a dominix plus fitting. But he only asked for a repackaged ship. So I contracted the fittings seperately. And hope he feels bad at the poor fit of a ship that has killed his shinys. So I complete the contract, and he's hired me.

Ooooh my... Well, he's actually engaged me for five weeks. So I call my original contractor and explain the situation. And they decide that they want to upgrade their contract. Plus give me the bonus we had negotiated for me soaking Socratic for isk.

I have about three more weeks left on the original contract, at which point Socratic is paying me for five weeks to leave him alone. Life is good.

I explain the situation to Socratic, and he is not pleased.

Socratic > ?
Socratic > yes?
Zedrik Cayne > Just to let you know, the first party has paid the full harrassment fees to upgrad etheir contract.
Zedrik Cayne > Which pushes yours off by a full five weeks.
Socratic > I find that hard to believe and I feel you have just ripped me off
Socratic > but you are the one who claims to be honorable
Socratic > so you do what you must
Zedrik Cayne > it is in the base contract which I should probably have shown you.
Zedrik Cayne > But I wasn't expecting folks to 5x their original fees.
Socratic > I think you're playing for more isk
Socratic > but I am no fool
Socratic > do what you want
Zedrik Cayne > o7
Socratic > o7

At some point later that day, apparently calling Socratic out in local has become a fad: I'm not even in system, afk when I get a nice PC:

Socratic > so do you have an alt doing it now?
Socratic > I at least figured you for honor, too bad, there was more in pay available
Socratic > you have killed the golden goose
Socratic > common failure

And a bit later when I am online:

Socratic > so you took my 2.5 billion and then you bailed
Socratic > what was that about your integrity?
Zedrik Cayne > No, they ponied up 2.5 as per regular contract.
Zedrik Cayne > Someone really does not like you.
Socratic > and what does that do to mine
Zedrik Cayne > Here..I should have had you read the base contract.
Socratic > can you ignore my contract
Zedrik Cayne > http://www.justaddhippopotamus.com/contract.php
Zedrik Cayne > That's the base contract...depending on what needs to be done, it gets modified.
Socratic > if that is all true, then you will return my 2.5 billion
Socratic > because you are so honest?
Zedrik Cayne > No, your contract gets pushed by the previous one.
Zedrik Cayne > So you've got me for five weeks in five weeks.
Zedrik Cayne > I hope you have a target by then.
Socratic > so you can justify cheating me?
Socratic > here's the problem
Socratic > you will never get more from me
Zedrik Cayne > Okay, so I never get any more from you.
Socratic > and someday I will have the means to break you
Zedrik Cayne > *snerk*
Zedrik Cayne > You are impotent.
Socratic > my isk well is deeper than any of theirs
Zedrik Cayne > You have a lot of isk, but you have no idea what to do with it.
Socratic > and there are better mercs than you in the game
Socratic > I would have happily given more you you
Zedrik Cayne > Yes, but you cannot pay mercs enough to go after a one man corp. Not good mercs at any rate.
Socratic > you have failed
Socratic > I have been in the game for 7 years
Socratic > how long have your employers been around
Socratic > no one has more tenacity than me
Socratic > and when I leave Arnon you will lose your flow of income
Socratic > you backed the wrong horse
Socratic > o/
Zedrik Cayne > Leave Arnon? I will beleive that when I see it.
Socratic > why?
Socratic > I have been in the game 7 years
Socratic > why would I stay here
Socratic > I was in null for 18 months 5 years before you knew there was an eve
Socratic > I lived in low for another 4 years
Zedrik Cayne > You seem to assume I've purchased this character or something.
Socratic > you are not all there is
Socratic > I assume nothing
Socratic > I know what and who you are
Socratic > you have failed the integrity test
Socratic > but then most do
Zedrik Cayne > Then you're getting your facts wrong.
Socratic > bye
Zedrik Cayne > But you know..assume what you like.

I see that he does not know me very well...I'll finish out the current contract, do the time under his, and we'll be back. In the meantime, I am sure that combing over the logs will provide entertainment.

Socratic Files...the cover up!

Someone is desperate to not have everyone in local read about him...Either that or he just doesn't 'get' the forums...So he's trying to cover it all up.

Zedrik Cayne > http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1514296
Zedrik Cayne > Read about your local d-bag :)
Socratic > so you are spreading viruses with your illegal links now, Zedrik
Socratic > you are a pretty low jerk, aren't you
Socratic > people, scrub your computers after following his links
Sly Noble > eh, socratics pretty cool, he loses expensive ships and doesn't afraid of anything
Zedrik Cayne > In case nobody's noticed, they are to the eve online forums and to blogspot.com :)
Zedrik Cayne > I certainly hope you aren't suggesting that I managed to hack either to put Malware up.
Socratic > and the "read" link from there comes complete with a virus warning
Socratic > chack any virus blocker program
Zedrik Cayne > That's the sound of a desperate man right there...'OMG DON'T TRUST THE EVE FORUMS OR BLOGSPOT!'
Socratic > the read link was placed by you
Kazuo Tanaka > You mean.. I should trut them?
Socratic > and EVE itself provides the warning
Otto VonKuechle > trollers gonna  troll
Kazuo Tanaka > *trust
Zedrik Cayne > Well, the eve forums, yeah, they're pretty decent for not being too scummy.
Zedrik Cayne > Wait...you are saying that the warning page that you are leaving the forums means I have trojans on blogspot.com?
Zedrik Cayne > *snerk*
Socratic > from Zedrik's provided "read" link:
Socratic > WARNING!Hackers are spamming our forums with links leading to key-loggers/Trojans and then ruining the accounts of players that navigate to those links.You have chosen to follow an external link. This link leads to a site outside of the cont...
Zedrik Cayne > All external links say that Soc :)
Socratic > no only yours

I am at a loss for words...Really.

Welcome to a new kind of story...The Socratic Files

When I first arrived at Arnon, it was because someone in C&P was claiming that there was someone funny there who was busy entertaining the locals by being so, very, bad.

It had been a while since I had seen someone thoroughly stink up local...so I paid a visit.

With this, begins...the Socratic Files.

Let me first introduce you to the biggest Killboard Padding statistic that I've personally run into:

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/combat_record.php?type=player&name=Socratic

At the time of this writing...3 billion in kills...25 billion in losses.

The Socratic Files will not be in the traditional investigation format, because dear reader, I've actually been paid to give the man a hard time. But since he is not in a player corporation, traditional invesigation won't work.

And to be frank, there is *so* much material available in chats, that it would consume many, many, many pages. So I've distilled it down as much as I can. Apologies to those who love the full chat logs on things, but it is simply not possible.

Upon entering Arnon, one of the first things I see:

Socratic > I'm busy fitting the next of my 40 gilas
Socratic > how does it feel to have absolutely no affect

And he is going to need those Gilas...At the rate he loses them. (Along with all sorts of other shiny faction and navy ships)

Here we have a Methusela pilot. In game six years. (Not constantly training apparently.) Yet, he doesn't quite have base game mechanics down:

Socratic > 30 seconds is deagro time dock interval
Socratic > simple math
Socratic > rocket launcher running out of ammot does not deaggro

Socratic > jump clone is designed for travel over long distance
Socratic > but you need to have good sec status and lots of restrictions

John Arcturas > i see you socratic
John Arcturas > what do i get for killing a wanted man?
Socratic > nothing here
Socratic > you can't kill a pod in hi sec

And those are just a few of the gems this guy has been spewing over local channels.

Then there is the horrible, horrible smack:

Socratic > I am going to pick up a billion isk
Socratic > be back soon
Socratic > did you copy that all you arnon loser griefer blobber punks? I say a billion!
Socratic > you bunch of griefing losers

Knight Commander Arbosa > HAHAHA Zedrik killed Socratic 3 times over the past few days.
Zedrik Cayne > Um..twice.
Knight Commander Arbosa > oh wait i guess twice. Kate Mosh did the final blow to teh Gila
Socratic > Knight Commander Arbosa so you live vicariously through others because you will never be able to afford a ship that can do it yourself?
Socratic > is that it, loser?
Knight Commander Arbosa > Hahaha
Socratic > field a ship and lose it
Socratic > and then lose two worth 500 mil in a few hours
Socratic > and go buy new ones
Socratic > if you can't then shut up

Socratic > the only intelligent conversations here are when I speak alone, Andrich

Socratic > why don't you just shoot at this pod, you freakin' loser and let concord tak your mach and then leave this system forever?
Socratic > you know you suck
Socratic > everyone knows you suck
Socratic > get the heall out of my system
Misha Konstantine > butthurt
Zedrik Cayne > Sounds like it.

Socratic > DiaLatho you are useless and I intend to make your life hell
Socratic > leave the system while you can

Oh, and the impotent threats:

(At this point, Socratic has moved from Arnon to Amod..Another SOE station system)
Socratic > Zedrik Cayne there's nothing you can do to me here, asshole
Zedrik Cayne > Ah..ye have little faith.
Socratic > it's ye "of" little faigh
Socratic > faith
Socratic > but ther you were always stupid
Socratic > then
Zedrik Cayne > Don't try telling me what I am misquoting.
Socratic > I don't try I do
Socratic > you are illiterate and stupid
Socratic > it's obvious
Socratic > your time here is wasted
Zedrik Cayne > I'm being well paid to be here.
Socratic > and I have 10 contracts out on you
Socratic > I pay better
Socratic > but you are too stupid to realize it
Zedrik Cayne > I am easy to find.
Socratic > and easy to kill
Socratic > this is the place where your noobness will shine
Socratic > idiot

Not a day later: http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=13306317 and http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=13306347

Running missions in lowsec. And getting probed out. Too bad he doesn't follow his own advice:

Socratic > and learn how to scan for scanner probes
Socratic > you have a scanner
Socratic > if you set it right you can see probes looking for you and run

So welcome to the Socratic files...I'm going to be running through all my various chat logs to entertain you with the best of Socratic.

And while you're at it, come and visit Arnon. He's back to hanging out there.