Welcome to the Joe Show (tm)...TL;DR.
As avid followers of this blog know, the IEEE is embroiled in a long standing investigation of Joe Phoenix of the Imperial Commonwealth for many breaches of good standards and practices withrespect to the good operation of a corporation. This has brought the IEEE to the doorstep of Providence and Catch, where Joe is hiding behind the hospitality of CVA and the Providence Holders.
At the moment of writing of this blog entry. Paperwork has begun with CONCORD for investigational powers into CVA (and hopefully this time, all the i's will get dotted, t's crossed, and the 'vote' button actually pressed). Further paperwork will be filed in subsequent weeks for rotating investigations against each of the providence holders until such time as the Imperial Commonwealth is set
KOS in providence space, the IEEE exhausts its funds filing paperwork with CONCORD, the investigation against Joe Phoenix ends, or we get tired of it.
As this will probably garner a bunch of attention rather quickly, and not everyone wants to slog through the entire set of blog posts and forum threads. We have a dramatic re-creation of the events of the past five months that should serve as a TL;DR. (Note, the TL;DR will probably be relatively long..since, well, there is five months worth of stuff.) Any 'chatlog' like elements below are paraphrased for length, content, context, and in some cases comedic value. The actors playing the various players don't look exactly like they should, but we are running on a limited budget here.
Cast of Characters, in order of appearance:
Joe: The CEO of the Imperial Commonwealth. And alleged worst CEO in New Eden.
C&P: Denizens of the forum Crime and Punishment on the eve-online forums, too many to mention.
SSS: Members of the Serene Storm Society. Most notably Loquiel but others are included.
Lana: Lana Torrin, Best Torrin, CEO of the Minmatar Republic Military Skool. Also included are statement by Lana's Alt.
CONCORD: Our beloved police force.
Zed: The CEO of Standards and Practices [IEEE]
IC: Random folks in the Imperial Commonwealth, or recently left the Imperial Commonwealth.
ICSpy: Guys in the Imperial Commonwealth who were feeding information to the IEEE.
FormerIC: Guys in corporations started from guys who left the IC.
Trok: Trok Mienal, really nice guy, former member of the Imperial Commonwealth. Was just trying to help out..really!
Jehosh: Jehosh Farrfury, trusted member of the IEEE who has changed sides to good effect a couple times. Agent 00Farrfury.
HYDRA: Members of HYDRA RELOADED, great Allice! Too many to mention individually.
JITA: Residents of Jita.
Damien: Damien McCandles, trusted member of the IEEE.
Draco: Dracoknight, deputized IEEE agent no matter what corp he is currently in. Comes and goes from the IEEE.
CPP: The voice of CPP moderation.
CVA: Diplomatic voice of the CVA and Providence Holders.
ProvidenceResidents: Random residents of Providence
One day, in Crime and Punishment...
Joe> HELP! We are being griefed! We don't know why, omg!
C&P> Man up, learn to fight, dock up, go out in cheap ships, etc.
SSS> If you had not smacktalked when we stole a can of ore, we would not have declared war. (posts chatlog)
C&P> (reads chatlogs) Omg you get what you deserve, don't smack, learn to fight, dock up, go out in cheap ships, train ECM, cool story bro.
Joe> But you don't understand, we are peaceful and I am a buddist.
C&P> Huh? Lollercopter.
In a meeting room somewhere...
Lana> I am the head of a small mercenary crew. For a bunch of isk you can hire me.
Joe> All right!
Lana> Well..I will require payment up front...that's how this works.
Joe> Er...um... Take a check?
Lana> We will work something out..what have you got.
Joe> Here, have a bag of money.
Lana> Thank you.
Back in Crime and Punishment...
Lana> Well, Joe gave me this bag of money. Maybe he should have looked on the forums to see that I'm the head of a Skool, and as such, well, not really a merc...thanks for the isk!
Joe> RAGE! Anger!
C&P> Snicker! I have 17 mil, can I help. Over 9000! Because of Falcon! This will not be dealt with.
Back in another meeting room...
Joe> I'm going to wardec you!
Lana> Oh..EEEK! Wait...go right ahead.
In a third meeting room some time after that...
Lana> So Joe threatens to wardec me. It was amusing.
Zed> Hmmm..so has he?
Lana> No, not yet.
Zed> Hey...that's a pretty flagrant violation of good standards and practices...let me have a chat with the guy.
Deep in the bowels of a CONCORD burocracy...
Zed> I'd like to investigate Imperial Commonwealth, can I get the paperwork run through please?
CONCORD> Sure, fill out these forms, wait 24 hours, and then get back to us.
Back in Crime and Punishment...
Zed> So, you've been talking with Lana, do you plan on declaring war?
Joe> Who the hell are you? I am not going to divulge sensitive information!
Zed> So you are not planning on declaring war? Its been over 48 hours since you threatened it. You sounded rather serious. Maybe I should start an investigation into your poor corporate standards
Joe> Wait, who are you again? Why am I under investigation? You have no authority!
Zed> We will talk in the future.
Back at CONCORD....
Zed> Yes, I am going to need that license to investigate.
CONCORD> Here, it will cost you a few million isk.
Zed> *grumble* Processing fees...here you go.
On Crime and Punishment...
Zed> Well, we have opened an investigation against Imperial Commonwealth
C&P> Yay! Popcorn! This will be dealt with over 9000!
Joe> Lies and blasphemy! *whine* You have no authoritah!
C&P> Mmm...tasty, because of Falcon!
Joe> I am going to declare war, really! Maybe not.. My guys are stretched too thin! I'll hire someone!
Lana> Um, you just gave a bag of money to me, and were not planning on actually giving the rest of it to me.
C&P> You were going to reneg on a mercenary contract?!? Wtf? You paid Lana? Huh? Over 9000 isk? More than 17 mil?
SSS> Well, we're done with our part, its been fun..lots of stuff exploded.
Zed> You aren't teaching your guys to watch local, we keep killing them mining or running missions, its like they are not aware there is still a war going on. Wait, you are still hiring new guys?
Joe> All our pilots are willing to die! They pledged an oath! I'm still a buddist and don't believe in violence! I asked for help and you're all against me *whine*. And I tell my guys they are at
war, really! See all the warp core stabs they fit?
ICSpy> Um, no..but here, but Joe says we can win! And they will all get tired. And we'll get reimbursed for our losses!
IC> Um, but we didn't get anything... Maybe a little on occasion but not all we were promised.
C&P> *rabble* *rabble* *rabble*
Joe> You can't touch me *gank* *choke* *die*..need to fit more stabs!
Trok> I can't take all the death Joe's causing our guys..I'm kicking everyone I can out.
C&P> Awww...good move. Show's over I guess.
Joe> I will rise! See? I can still hire! Look, started an alt corp!
FormerIC> Um...we're not associated with you..go away. You're bad juju.
Joe> Traitor! *rabble*
Zed> Well..corp is pretty well dead.
Joe> I will rise from the ashes! You can't win! See all those guys who have dropped the wardecs! I *WON* against all those guys! I'm just gonna hire more guys!
Zed> Orly? Tell you what, I think you're the worst CEO in New Eden. How about you step down, let someone run the day to day, be the public face, you can be spiritual advisor or something.
Joe> You cannot win! NEVER!
Joe> I'll just stay docked up!
C&P> Mmm..tasty popcorn.
Joe> You're giving your kid CANCER by feeding her Jell-o!
C&P> Huh?!? Roflcopter!
IC> *dies doing missions* *dies mining* *leaves* (for almost 4 weeks)
Joe> I'm not leaving the Jita 4-4 docking ring!
Zed> Your guys are dying, and you're showing an incredible lack of leadership hiding in Jita 4-4.
Joe> Jehosh, wanna PVP with me? I'll pay you to pvp against my drake in your Merlin.
Jehosh> Sure..*dies* *gets another ship* *dies*
Zed> What..Joe's actually aggressed? *pew pew pew*
Joe> *dies* DISHONORED 1v1 NO HONOR! That clone wasn't updated!
Zed> Oof...hey! Got a fresh Joe Corpse...unique, owner lost 250k SP because of it..nice tears frozen to corpse's face. Corpse grants +1 warp core strength.
JITA> Dude..let me buy that...here, have a bag of money!
Joe> I know! You soon will not be able to have war with me! I have a surprise!
Zed> Hm..wonder what it is.
HYDRA> Welcome aboard Joe.
C&P> What!?! Joe has allice now?
Joe> AhHA! I hire again! Feel the might of HYDRA RELOADED!
Back at CONCORD...
HYDRA> Can we please accept the investigation as it stands and cut out those egregious war fees? Oh, we can do that? Its called making it 'mutual'? Sure...
CONCORD> Thank you, we will miss the fees, but its your choice.
On Crime and Punishment...
Joe> Ah ha! Not so tough are you now...I have powerful friends and an alliance!
HYDRA> You are now..REAR ADMIRAL Joe Phoenix!
Joe> Great success! Killed many enemy! Oops..Need help In Jita! ALARM! CALL TO ARMS! Why is nobody coming the second I call them! Move ships and pilots to Jita!
HYDRA> Um, we're not seeing very many results here Joe.
Joe> Nobody's listening to me
HYDRA> Everyone in Allice! Listen to Joe!
Joe> Move stuff to Jita! HALP!
Damien> Hm..let me undock this badger. *dies* *dies again*
Joe> Ha ha...Got your pod locked
Damien> Please! I've gotta go get these drugs moved!
Joe> Drugs? Boosters! *CHING* Where is manufacturing. Can you intercept and give me all those drugs? Its worth BILLIONS!!!?!?$$$$!?!
Draco> Look..I'm not happy here at the IEEE...Damien, you're going to screw the deal with the drugs..you didn't tell Joe did you?
Damien> Oops..look, I need my fix!
In IEEE Corp Chat...
Damien> Hey, we've got something here...Joe thinks we are running boosters and selling them in Jita.
Zed> Huh? Cool..what do we do?
Draco> Um, I suppose we could let Joe kill you, mess around.
Zed> Um..sure...set it up..lets make it look good.
Zed> *gets brutix pwnt*
Damien> *gets manticore pwnt* At least Joe said he would buy me a new one all fit nice. Had to make it look good he said.
Crime and Punishment again, after a week of setting Joe up.
Joe> Aha! Pwnt you! Know you run drugs!
Joe> Yeah, and that brutix you lost, it was because we had inside guys, Damien and Draco.
Zed> Oh, really? Hey, Damien, Draco...the jig is up...He just blew your cover.
Damien&Draco> Not really Joe..we've been playing you for the whole week. There's nothing really..by the way, where's Damien's Manticore?
Joe> GAH You can't win..nobody is paying attention! Why are you still after me?
C&P> Need an extra large bag of popcorn for all this. *munch* Joe, you fool..cool story bro. Because of Falcon!
Joe> *Doesn't log on*
Zed> I'm bored, but hey..look...I see ThCeo and he just smacked me in local...time to take another run at him..Joe show on hiatus for a bit.
Zed> *spends a couple weeks lurking around 0.0...not very interesting*
A few weeks later, Crime and Punishment...
Zed> Hey, back in Jita..where's Joe?
ICSpy> Um, on a mission somewhere..RL thing.
Zed> Okay...hey, he's got more guys to kill! *goes hunting*
IC> *dies doing missions* *dies mining* *leaves*
IC> Why, war? What? Nobody told me about war!
In Hydra Reloaded Alliance Chat...
Joe> WTF?! My guys dying! They ask for help in allice and get nothing...I'm out of here!
Back in Crime and Punishment...
Zed> I got a nice mail saying Joe surrendered to the IEEE. Good choice surrendering!
HYDRA> Joe left with our CAP FLEET! Rear Admiral...why you leave! Didn't even say goodbye!
Joe> I didn't surrender..I left allice! I didn't mean to.NO!
HYDRA> Um, Joe left with Cap Fleet...please investigate? 1 isk.
Zed> Um, okay..seeing as he still hasn't stepped down.
Joe> Zed your wife is fat and your kid is a mutant!
C&P> Woah..dude...un-cool. (couple more wardecs)
Joe> I am invincible *dies hauling stuff Amarr->Jita* You can't win! *dies to gatecamp in rancer* NEVER!
Joe> And stop it..nobody's listening or interested! My friends are laughing at you!
C&P> Garcon? More popcorn please.
Joe> This merlin with two WCS is a shuttle..I even named it that!
Joe> I fit WCS when I don't want to get caught!
Joe> *dives into wormholes*
Jehosh> I'm switching sides! Long live the IC!
Jehosh> *follows Joe into wormhole*
Zed> *Probes out wormhole..gets good warp in from Jehosh*
Joe> *explodes..warps pod out*
Joe> But I didn't bookmark the wormhole out!
Zed> *Warps out of hole...waits a couple hours..goes back and finds Joe Corpse*
Zed> Fresh Joe Corpse! Joe committed suicide in a wormhole for this one...
JITA> Hey..I'll buy that too..
Joe> Nobody's paying attention Zed! Why are you still after me?
CCP> Um..this thread's run its course...locking it.
Zed> New thread guys.
Joe> *goes to providence*
Zed> Huh? Well..let's just see what's going on over there.
Joe> Hah, you can't touch me here! *dies to some other raider while ratting*
Joe> Why don't you come to CVA space...I'll 1v1 you here in my salvage ship!
Lana> Okay, which one of you in C&P gave him that idea?
Zed> Hm..he's running a plex..not in a belt..in Providence space...Can I get a warpin please? *pew pew pew pew pew*
Joe> OH OW HELP! PLEASE! RAIDERS! Er...Join my fleet to help me! AUUUUGH!
Joe> GET'EM BOYS!
ProvidenceResidents> Huh? What? Where?
Joe> Everyone's really pissed at you now Zed! You're gonna die! You're gonna be KOS! *rage*
ProvidenceResidents> Dude..you need to relax.
In CVA diplomatic channels:
CVA> Um...unfortunately you've violated our rules...so we're going to set you KOS now m'kay?
Zed> No problem, but here, for protecting Joe. Let's open a side investigation. We'll start with CVA. By the way, here, have some forum threads to read.
Well..that pretty well brings us up to date. I've probably missed a lot of stuff. And might edit this later to add things or re-order it if I've gotten things out of order.
Welcome to the TL;DR version of the Joe Show (tm).